Streamlining a paragraph

Do I certainly need to use the word 'streamlining': shouldn't a title contain simple eye-catching words?

It is an appropriate question in the context. My answer would be not always, but definitely sometimes, topics should have simple words. I'm not attempting to slip with a two-sentences response, but with this entire post.

To make the objective more illustrious and transparent, a pop-up paragraph is used as our 'dummy text'. Moreover, it will be more relevant to the title.

Documenting a breathtaking paragraph is not as painless as writing a paragraph. The latter can be easily achieved in minutes, although the other need lot of persistence, patience and determination. In addition, it needs thorough revision, which may take up to several weeks (or even months). Read the quoted paragraph next to this sentence, write down what you have noticed. It may be from the usage of a particular word to a grammar mistake (I'm not perfect in writing either). Suppose you are predicting a bad day like this.

After five days work, today is a holiday. I got up from the bed in a happy and fresh mood. I went near the window and it is raining. I checked the weather and it will not become sunny for all day. I lost my hopes. I was thinking to go outside. I had a special interest to go to beach with my friends and play with them. Not only that, I badly needed to do some shopping. And I have got no way to get into the library to get some textbooks for my college chemistry homework. While thinking all of these, I went to the kitchen to make a cup of tea. While having my tea, I turned on the TV to watch some news. I heard about a fatal accident on the freeway, I was also about to drive. Four cars have collided with a gasoline bowser. There was an explosion which caused severe damage to the road and closed for at least for three weeks. Phew! I was lucky not to be there at that moment.

I made up this paragraph in less than five minutes, honestly, not any of the following revisions though. One of the main aspect a writer should consider is to whom he/she is writing for. Who is the author's audience? A common circumstance: a childish piece of writing by a college undergraduate to an English professor unarguably would not demand a higher attention or appreciation than a Grade C.

More than for several times a student hears that an essay or a composition should:

• Have a reasonable number of sophisticated words or phrases
• Perfect grammar and punctuation (I need to emphasize this as much as it needs)
• Interaction with the context

and so forth. Any clue about the way that a writer can easily achieve this? There is not an easy way. The only approach is persistent practice, revision and revision. A thesaurus would be an admirable companion in this tremendous task of shaping your language. Beware, don't overuse and your writing might be even peculiar than your rough draft--the 'dummy text' above is also a rough draft.

Suppose that I have to include this paragraph into a children's storybook. If the paragraph looks exact same, the child will throw away your book and might say--"This is an essay, not a story". Take use of the opportunity to reword the paragraph before reading any further.

Yay! It is a holiday after five busy days. I woke up from my bed while throwing my blanket away. Hmm! I cannot go out because it is raining, may be for all day. No shopping, no chance to meet my friends and to play with them. I was scratching my head and thinking: "Oops! I won't be able to do my homework without going to the library." Why not to taste a cup of tea instead? I made my version of tea: three teaspoons of sugar, two and a half teaspoons of milk-powder stirred in warm plain tea in a ceramic teacup. I turned on the TV to watch some cartoons, but there was news. I stared at the screen because the remote control was too far from my sofa. Boom!! A big accident was happened on the highway. What would happen if I was there with my Mom and Dad? We have to go on the same way to shop and library. After all, I went to my sister's room to play snakes and ladders with her.

Revising a draft isn't all about rearranging the words or sentence structure. Your audience--so far the children--do not know how does your draft look like, but is interested to read an engaging final version of your writing. You are more than welcome to omit or add alternative details in your revisions. The yellowish brown words or phrases represent newly added details. Considering the same passage as an example: a child would like to see about family members and making an 'own version' of a cup of tea rather than an accident on freeway.

Let's move on from the perspective of a child. Now imagine you need to reshape the rough draft above as a section of a comical essay. In this instance, it is great to have certain details on unexpected facts. Now again, it is your writing time before you read further.

After five hefty days of endless work, today I am blessed with a leisurely day. I jumped out of my bed with a perfect mood: lighthearted feelings with overwhelming ecstasy. It didn't take too long to understand that my plans for today--getting a kick out of a beach afternoon with classmates and performing a fashion exploration in the local shopping mall--are shattered in a fraction of a second: it was pouring--probably all day long. Goodness gracious! I haven't got a way to check-in to the library to borrow the chemistry textbook. Alright, forget homework for now: due tomorrow, do tomorrow! At least to get rid of these monotonous feelings; I should experience a cup of tea with a random amount of sugar and milk-powder. I then started to read the latest updates in CNN and heard about a fatal multi-vehicle accident on the freeway entrance at nine in the morning (the same route and time according to my plans). Phew! Thank you rain for saving my life. Now I will fetch for some indoor entertainment.

As before, the yellowish brown segments represent added details. Both of the revisions are furnished from the same 'dummy text'. It is an exercise to the reader to compare and contrast characteristics between these two revised versions.

Unlike the 'dummy text', the revisions have an easiness to read and understand the content, situation and the mood of the writer. It is called the sentence flow. A coherent flow in an essay impresses readers tremendously. Even if you are a middle school student or a college undergraduate, invest one extra hour in 'polishing up' and deliver what you really need to say; not what your text says. (I guarantee that you will make a grade higher in your take-home essay assignments). You will experience your improvement by several weeks with proper commitment. And there is an extra benefit of using your companion mentioned above: it will provide a flying start building your English vocabulary.

Me Talk Pretty One Day

How is edification illustrated in 'Me Talk Pretty One Day' by David Sedaris?

 

Provided below is a list of facts to build up a unique response. This post should not be misinterpreted as a complete review or a thesis.

Author

David Sedaris (born on December 26th, 1956) is an American writer.

Extraction

This essay is taken from a series of essays with the same title: it was published in 2000 in two volumes with 13 essays in One and 14 essays in Deux.

Summary

Sedaris delivers one of his unforgettable experiences--of learning a foreign language (French) in Paris  in a entertaining (and occasionally in an ironic) way.

Review skeleton

Sedaris indirectly says that his ability of speaking French is well below the average at the beginning of the story [in second paragraph].

Regardless of their nationalities, everyone spoke in what sounded to me like excellent French. Some accents were better than others, but the students exhibited an ease and confidence I found intimidating.

He was being even embarrassed when he noticed that many students in the same class were much younger than him.

A unique feature of this essay is the usage of gibberish terms, including meimslsxp, lgpdmurct, palicmkrexis and kfdtinvfm. Three of these are used in the first sentence by the teacher--in fact he couldn't properly understand--as he heard.

If you have not meimslsxp or lgpdmurct at this time, then you should not be in this room. Has everyone apzkiubjxow. Everyone? Good, we shall begin.

Starting from here, his usage of such terms becomes less as he gradually understands French better than at the beginning. The final dialogue between the author and the teacher contains no gibberish. Proving his edification in French, he ludicrously concludes the story.

 I know the thing that you speak exact now. Talk me more, you, plus, please, plus.

The language fluency by the characters involved in the storyline deliberately reveals the degree of their French speaking capability. It seems to be ironic that the writer uses English to mirror the fluency of a different language. In a nutshell, students' broken-speech patterns and incorrect grammar elaborates lack of French speaking fluency which is contrasted to the teacher's deluxe and flawless speech: all the instances are from the first class meeting.

Second Anna:

Turn-ons: Mom's famous five-alarm chili! Turn-offs: insecurity and guys who come on too strong!!!!

Carlos:

Making sex with the womens of the world

Himself:

It was a short list, but still I managed to mispronounce IBM and assign the wrong gender to both the floor waxer and the typewriter.

Teacher:

How very interesting, I thought that everyone loved the mosquito, but here, in front of all the world, you claim to detest him. How is it we've been someone as unique and original as you? Tell us, please!

Random facts about English alphabet

You probably might be thinking, I learned the English alphabet when I was five years old, or more likely even smaller. Well, you are reading this post because you can read English letters. Now try to answer these questions honestly without reading the suggested solutions.

1. How many characters are there in the English alphabet? (Kids' stuff)
2. When did the English alphabet first appear?
3. Find a six-letter word that starts with Q and ends in Z ?
4. Find a six-letter word that starts with Z and ends in C ?
5. Find a word that uses all five vowels in it (which should be valid in both American English and British English)?
6. Name a popular board game that is primarily based on the English alphabet.
7. Can you make up a sentence less than 35 letters that uses all letters in English alphabet?

Here are my answers for the questions above. If you have come up with something different that seems to be correct, let us know them from a comment.

1. There are 26 letters in the English alphabet.
2. The English language and the alphabet were first used by the Germanic settlers from Norway and Denmark between 8th and 9th centuries in Britain.
3. QUARTZ: A hard and colorless/white crystalline solid found in sedimentary rocks.
4. ZODIAC: A belt of the heavens within about 8° either side of the ecliptic, including all apparent positions of the sun, moon, and most familiar planets.
5. EQUATION: A statement that the value of two mathematical expressions are equal one another.
6. Scrabble, Lexicon, Words with Friends, Wordament and many more.
7. I've got three sentences. You may perform a search for 'pangrams' for more of these.
• A quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog. 
• Pack my box with five dozen liquor jugs.
• Blowzy red vixens fight for a quick jump.