Streamlining a paragraph

Do I certainly need to use the word 'streamlining': shouldn't a title contain simple eye-catching words?

It is an appropriate question in the context. My answer would be not always, but definitely sometimes, topics should have simple words. I'm not attempting to slip with a two-sentences response, but with this entire post.

To make the objective more illustrious and transparent, a pop-up paragraph is used as our 'dummy text'. Moreover, it will be more relevant to the title.

Documenting a breathtaking paragraph is not as painless as writing a paragraph. The latter can be easily achieved in minutes, although the other need lot of persistence, patience and determination. In addition, it needs thorough revision, which may take up to several weeks (or even months). Read the quoted paragraph next to this sentence, write down what you have noticed. It may be from the usage of a particular word to a grammar mistake (I'm not perfect in writing either). Suppose you are predicting a bad day like this.

After five days work, today is a holiday. I got up from the bed in a happy and fresh mood. I went near the window and it is raining. I checked the weather and it will not become sunny for all day. I lost my hopes. I was thinking to go outside. I had a special interest to go to beach with my friends and play with them. Not only that, I badly needed to do some shopping. And I have got no way to get into the library to get some textbooks for my college chemistry homework. While thinking all of these, I went to the kitchen to make a cup of tea. While having my tea, I turned on the TV to watch some news. I heard about a fatal accident on the freeway, I was also about to drive. Four cars have collided with a gasoline bowser. There was an explosion which caused severe damage to the road and closed for at least for three weeks. Phew! I was lucky not to be there at that moment.

I made up this paragraph in less than five minutes, honestly, not any of the following revisions though. One of the main aspect a writer should consider is to whom he/she is writing for. Who is the author's audience? A common circumstance: a childish piece of writing by a college undergraduate to an English professor unarguably would not demand a higher attention or appreciation than a Grade C.

More than for several times a student hears that an essay or a composition should:

• Have a reasonable number of sophisticated words or phrases
• Perfect grammar and punctuation (I need to emphasize this as much as it needs)
• Interaction with the context

and so forth. Any clue about the way that a writer can easily achieve this? There is not an easy way. The only approach is persistent practice, revision and revision. A thesaurus would be an admirable companion in this tremendous task of shaping your language. Beware, don't overuse and your writing might be even peculiar than your rough draft--the 'dummy text' above is also a rough draft.

Suppose that I have to include this paragraph into a children's storybook. If the paragraph looks exact same, the child will throw away your book and might say--"This is an essay, not a story". Take use of the opportunity to reword the paragraph before reading any further.

Yay! It is a holiday after five busy days. I woke up from my bed while throwing my blanket away. Hmm! I cannot go out because it is raining, may be for all day. No shopping, no chance to meet my friends and to play with them. I was scratching my head and thinking: "Oops! I won't be able to do my homework without going to the library." Why not to taste a cup of tea instead? I made my version of tea: three teaspoons of sugar, two and a half teaspoons of milk-powder stirred in warm plain tea in a ceramic teacup. I turned on the TV to watch some cartoons, but there was news. I stared at the screen because the remote control was too far from my sofa. Boom!! A big accident was happened on the highway. What would happen if I was there with my Mom and Dad? We have to go on the same way to shop and library. After all, I went to my sister's room to play snakes and ladders with her.

Revising a draft isn't all about rearranging the words or sentence structure. Your audience--so far the children--do not know how does your draft look like, but is interested to read an engaging final version of your writing. You are more than welcome to omit or add alternative details in your revisions. The yellowish brown words or phrases represent newly added details. Considering the same passage as an example: a child would like to see about family members and making an 'own version' of a cup of tea rather than an accident on freeway.

Let's move on from the perspective of a child. Now imagine you need to reshape the rough draft above as a section of a comical essay. In this instance, it is great to have certain details on unexpected facts. Now again, it is your writing time before you read further.

After five hefty days of endless work, today I am blessed with a leisurely day. I jumped out of my bed with a perfect mood: lighthearted feelings with overwhelming ecstasy. It didn't take too long to understand that my plans for today--getting a kick out of a beach afternoon with classmates and performing a fashion exploration in the local shopping mall--are shattered in a fraction of a second: it was pouring--probably all day long. Goodness gracious! I haven't got a way to check-in to the library to borrow the chemistry textbook. Alright, forget homework for now: due tomorrow, do tomorrow! At least to get rid of these monotonous feelings; I should experience a cup of tea with a random amount of sugar and milk-powder. I then started to read the latest updates in CNN and heard about a fatal multi-vehicle accident on the freeway entrance at nine in the morning (the same route and time according to my plans). Phew! Thank you rain for saving my life. Now I will fetch for some indoor entertainment.

As before, the yellowish brown segments represent added details. Both of the revisions are furnished from the same 'dummy text'. It is an exercise to the reader to compare and contrast characteristics between these two revised versions.

Unlike the 'dummy text', the revisions have an easiness to read and understand the content, situation and the mood of the writer. It is called the sentence flow. A coherent flow in an essay impresses readers tremendously. Even if you are a middle school student or a college undergraduate, invest one extra hour in 'polishing up' and deliver what you really need to say; not what your text says. (I guarantee that you will make a grade higher in your take-home essay assignments). You will experience your improvement by several weeks with proper commitment. And there is an extra benefit of using your companion mentioned above: it will provide a flying start building your English vocabulary.